Tuesday, January 04, 2005


I posted this as a comment, in response to a blog entry, but figured it's worth keeping around on my blog as well.

I also learned how to communicate later in life, out of necessity ... you can only go for so long without that skill. and I'm still learning. and I'm still seeing how every time I make progress, it makes my life just that much better. so I'm having growing pain. something I learned over the course of 2003, 2004.

you can't learn unless you try. and so, if you want to help someone else learn how to communicate, let them do it. mistakes and all. be tolerant, assume the best, and you allow them to learn from their mistakes. as a side bonus, also learn from your mistakes.

good communication doesn't thrive under pressure. yes, you too can learn how to be diplomatic when a gun is pointed at your head. but until you get there, high emotions, judgment calls, and the urge to fix it yesterday, don't make for good communication skills. often times I found myself saying 'we can talk about this tomorrow, or I can say something stupid and upset you today'. if you want to communicate with another person, give them the means: time, atomsphere, clarity of mind. if you want to win, push them to a corner.

from the other side of a closed door, you sound muffled and neurotic. communication is a two way street, which means you have to learn how to speak, but not until you learn how to listen. ok, that much everybody knows. but it also means you can't effectively communicate without the other person's consent. you have to ask them, and you have to accept 'no' as an answer. and failing to do that, you have to realize when they just don't care to listen.


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