Thursday, January 20, 2005

Getting my iPod serviced, Part II

Apple: this is Apple. we don't sell products, we deliver experiences. how may I help you?
Me: there's something wrong with my experience.
Apple: no there isn't.
Me: well, my iPod buttons are not responding. the other day I tried ...
Apple: this is all part of the Apple Experience(tm).
Me: the what?
Apple: all moving part are susceptible to mechanical failures due to manufacturing tolerances. you're simply experiencing technology with all its real-life limitations.
Me: ah. ok. I guess you're right.
Apple: and as part of the Apple Experience(tm), we're ready to face this experience with you.
Me: a what?
Apple: we will restore your iPod to factory-based specifications. in idiotspeak, we'll "fix" it.
Me: oh, cool. when can I expect you over?
Apple: as part of the Apple Experience(tm), we expect to receive your iPod for evaluation at our facilities.
Me: hmmm, ok. if I leave now I can get to the Apple Store in 15 mins, when do you close?
Apple: at our facilities.
Me: you mean drive all the way down to Cupertino?
Apple: the Apple Experience(tm) is culturally diverse and geographically dispersed. our facilities are located in Texas.
Me: hm, ok. how about FedEx?
Apple: you will do no such thing!
Apple: as part of the Apple Experience(tm) you'll receive a package, you will place the iPod in the package, and follow the mailing instructions. it will arrive safely at our facility.
Me: oh, wow. neat. when can I expect that package?
Apple: soon.
Me: how about a delivery date, you know, like Amazon has for its packages?
Apple: soon.
Me: sigh. Texas to California, standard mail, wouldn't take more than four/five days, right?
Apple: as part of the Apple Experience(tm) we use private-sector business-oriented multi-national carriers. your package will be delivered by DHL.
Me: awesome. I feel like am important business person. let me guess, 24 hour delivery?
Apple: ten days.
Me: ten days??? DHL?
Me: sigh. can I at least get a tracking number, you know, so I can ...
Apple: no need for it. as part of the Apple Experience(tm), the package will be delivered straight to your home.
Me: but I work from the office.
Apple: as part of the Apple Experience(tm), you do not have to leave the comfort of your home.
Me: but I work from the office!
Apple: thank you for choosing the Apple Experience(tm). have a nice day.

Also, part I of the experience.

2 Comments:

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Blogger nomadichermit said...

someone needs a hug.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Frisbee Girl said...

I am, at once, laughing and cringing.

12:30 PM  

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2 Comments:

Blogger nomadichermit said...

someone needs a hug.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Frisbee Girl said...

I am, at once, laughing and cringing.

12:30 PM  

Post a Comment

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