Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Getting my iPod serviced

Apple: what is your iPod's serial number?
Me: give me a second here. microscope. check. magnification set to x16. check. is that a Q or an O? I think it's a Q. ok, got it.
Apple: do you agree to the terms and conditions?
Me: iPod, $250. consultation with a lawyer? $500. yes, I agree.
Apple: please log on.
Me: to what?
Apple: .Mac services.
Me: but I don't have a Mac.
Apple: please log on to .Mac services. you can create a new account, you know.
Me: sigh. sure, sign me in.
Apple: thank you. we appreciate the opportunity to spam you with service offerings.
Me: what next?
Apple: please log on.
Me: here you go.
Apple: thank you. when did you purchase the iPod?
Me: damn if I remember. oh, wait, Amazon has a record on file. let me find it. yep, here we go ..
Apple: we're sorry. your request cannot be completed. please retry your request.
Me: argh. deep breath. let's try again.
Apple: we're sorry. your request cannot be completed. please close your browser, then try again.
Me: argh. a restart. and it's not a Microsoft's problem. argh.
Apple: what is your iPod's serial number?
Me: here you go.
Apple: do you agree to the terms and conditions?
Me: did they change since last time I glossed them over?
Apple: please log on.
Me: there you go.
Apple: thank you. when did you purchase the iPod?
Me: I got it. I got it.
Apple: please describe the problem.
Me: gleeful. my chance to provide a well articulate problem description based on years of experience in the field. apple tech support people will be talking about me over lunch, next thing I know, I'll go down in history!
Apple: we're sorry. your request cannot be completed. please retry your request.
Me: not again.
Apple: we're sorry. your request cannot be completed. please close your browser, then try again.
Me: arghhhhhhhhhh.
Apple: what is your iPod's serial number?
Me: here you go.
Apple: do you agree to the terms and conditions?
Me: my newborn is in the mail.
Apple: please log on.
Me: let me do the happy dance.
Apple: thank you. when did you purchase the iPod?
Me: yeah, yeah, yeah.
Apple: please describe the problem.
Me: thank got I wrote it in notepad, all I need to do is copy & paste.
Apple: the problem description is limited to 500 words, it will be truncated.
Me: but I edited down to only 110 words!!!
Apple: are you sure you want to argue? how about a brower restart?
Me: ok, ok. you win.
Apple: we have your address on file, is this correct?
Me: yes. next.
Apple: please state which country.
Me: you know my full address, how can you forget which country? it's the U.S. of A. A as in Apple.
Apple: please provide your phone number.
Me: but it's an optional field, why do I have to fill ... oh, never mind. here you go.
Apple: the information in the field does not match the parameters specified for this program.
Me: say what?? oh wait, never mind. there's a .. gasp .. space between the area code and the remaining 7 digits.
Apple: thank you. here is a summary of the information pretaining to your service request, for your records.
Me: thank god it's over. ok, I need a hard copy. printer? check. paper? check. ready ...
Apple: we're sorry. your request cannot be completed. please retry your request.

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