Thursday, February 10, 2005

Your guide to sending packages

So you need to send a package. You got it wrapped up with the x-mess leftovers. Your corner drug dealer was nice enough to let you borrow a fancy, computerized scale that has more buttons than a PC. Somehow you managed to understand how zones, rate tables, package types, barometric pressure and the winning lottery number can be used to calculate a shipping rate. You ran a search online to find out the cheapest carrier. You're one step away from getting it delivered.

Or are you? You must be foolish to believe that carriers are selected based on speed, price or efficiency. Selecting a carrier to deliver your package depends on one sole factor: your relationship with the receipient.

Use this handy guidelines to determine which carrier is right for you.

I am sending a package to ______

A business partner I need to impress. Let price not be an issue. Nothing smells success like the clean blue on white aesthetics of FedEx, their easy online service, the professional looking (and free) envelopes, and their Kino's location.

I am sending a package to ______

My sweetheart for Valentines. Invest the cash in the present, not the shipping; make sure she does get it in 2/3 business days. True, the UPS godawful brown doesn't spell romance or sex appeal, but at least it will get there. And if she's not home to receive it directly, she can still call to arrange same-day pickup.

I am sending a package to ______

My parents, a cheap symbolic present for their anniversary. Send it with style, send it with tradition, send it USPS. Nothing like the mailman delivering a present. Make sure to send it in advance, USPS offices close to early for same-day pickup, and their tracking system operates on a 24 hour delay cycle. Make sure it's symbolic, because rain or shine USPS will deliver, there's just no telling who they'll deliver to.

I am sending a package to ______

My ex who keeps harashing me about those aweful CDs she made me listen to. Nothing says I hate you like sending DHL. Make her choose between taking the day off to wait for the delivery truck, or playing phone tag to arrange for pickup. Blame it on antiquated computer systems that take 24 hours to process, and a bad user interface; enjoy knowing that you ment to make her suffer.

1 Comments:

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Blogger nomadichermit said...

i like tnt cuz the trucks and logos are orange.

10:10 PM  

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1 Comments:

Blogger nomadichermit said...

i like tnt cuz the trucks and logos are orange.

10:10 PM  

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